Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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