i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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