I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
