His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
