So gin and wine won't be happening again
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
