Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
