My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
