pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
