she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
