see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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