i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
