I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
