wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
