the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
