Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
