I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
