I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Houston, we have a squirter
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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