just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
