Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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