New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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