The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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