I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
