He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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