what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Green mimosas i think yes
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
