Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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