mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
