This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
