I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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