DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
