we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
