Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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