shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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