Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
