I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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