I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize