if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
