So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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