Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
