ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
