me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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