My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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