Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
