He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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