I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Panties = found
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
