I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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