I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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