wake up i wanna do it froggy style
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
