I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
