Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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