batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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