come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
