he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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