You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
