she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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