i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
