I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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