i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
