i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
