So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
