dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
