Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
