The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Quick, to the slutcave!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
