But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
