talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
