I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
