dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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