Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
