His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you didnt know i had herpes?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
